we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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