New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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