Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
