you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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