just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
