He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
