I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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