Are we in a gay sports bar?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
