i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
