my room smells like sperm. sweet.
vagina is talking i cant
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
