if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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