You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
