That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
