Im at strip club and am horny
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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