So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
