We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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