No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
