My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you never un-have a 4some
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
