Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
