I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
