If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
