i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
