The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This baby is an asshole
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
