So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
