i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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