Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
