i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
