This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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