Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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