Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
