No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
