In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
