Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
