bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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