that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
