It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
