We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
