Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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