I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
