she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
