I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
