i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
