Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
