dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
