im six kinds of drunk right now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
