We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
