I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
