I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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