I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
