My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
