i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
