its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We're too hungover to prance.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
