I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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