were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
