Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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